My inner mind: contradictory
Every day I walk across the bridge to the studio
I like looking at the sky above the bridge
I also look at the trees below the bridge
They have been changing every day
The clouds are sometimes in lumps and sometimes in fragments
The leaves are turning yellow
The band in the hamburger restaurant was performing
The double bass player smiled at me as I passed
At this moment, the world was beautiful
When did I become disappointed in myself? Disappointed in this world?
I always feel that I can’t handle all this noise: life, family relationship, painting, people, objects....
So I seek peace in my paintings
I can endure great physical exhaustion, but I cannot bear the fatigue from within
When I was in a state of collapse, I threw myself into painting, and calmed me
That state of calmness healed me
Even healed, I am drawn to brokenness, fragments
Fragile glass cups, hazy and uncertain memories, people’s departures
Unoccupied corners shine with their own brillianceHow should I accept change
Just stand still or move forward
I often feel anxious
I learn to be aware of my emotions and accept them
I often pretend to be composed, going crazy when no one is around
I walked alone in the city for a whole day
I looked at myself in the mirror and cried…
Memories flashed through my mind like a movie
like my paintings, concealing intense struggles beneath a velvet cloak of calm
Soft light bathes the canvas, and the grayish tones within the colors record the traces left by people
What kind of mentality is this again?
Sometime, I can’t touch my heart
Stay calm, keep thinking
Keep observing.....
